Trying to break free from online addiction ✍️
This wasn’t easy to write. And I'm not sure how many times I made a draft, to delete or modify it afterwards. But I want to put it out there. I want to get it off my chest and to make myself accountable.
I've been struggling with online addiction. I'll not go into the details, but anyone having issues with social media, endless scrolling, gaming, shopping, porn, gambling,... might know what I'm talking about. You repeat your online behaviour, even though it causes harm, because your brain has learned to crave it, and pushes you back into doing it over and over again.
Initially, I didn't see an issue. I was only mildly affected. I thought I had it under control. Or that's what I told myself. "I can stop whenever I want to".
But I couldn't.
Whenever I started, it was very difficult to stop. It always starts innocently. An email, a notification, a thought,... It was enough to trigger the craving, putting the snowball in motion, ending with checking those platforms.
And the more I did it, the more difficult it became. My brain adapted. My actions became natural. Also, what used to feel exciting started to feel normal. I got used to that dopamine spike, and suddenly the old amount wasn't enough anymore. So I needed more, spent more time and went deeper into the cycle. And, the satisfaction felt less. I felt worse afterwards. It became a game of chasing something that never delivers.
Awareness was very important, and when I finally started to journal about my actions and kept a close eye on my screen time, it became obvious things were getting out of hand. Keeping a record of my thoughts was also very important. In doing so, I learned how it affected how present I was, how I felt about myself, and how I showed up for the people around me.
Via all of this, I started to take action. Telling myself to stop, to be strong. Putting blockers in place,... It helped a lot.
But on certain days when I was feeling bad, didn't sleep well, or triggers appeared, I had difficulty controlling myself. The behaviour was still ingrained in my brain. And when you're the one in the driver's seat, it's hard to resist. You try to circumvent the systems you put in place to protect yourself.
This is a battle that goes week by week. Some weeks I do well, but some days I fall back. But every time I relapse, I take note of the why, the when,... So I can take action accordingly. I put safeguards in place before I need to think about them, and it's too late.
I’m not cured. But I want to. And I'm going to.
From the outside, it can look simple: just quit, delete it, block it, and have more willpower. But it’s not that easy. And it's clear when you look around. I’m not the only one. Many of us are caught in these online loops. These platforms and industries are designed to keep us hooked.
This isn’t just about personal weakness; it’s about being human in a digital world that constantly pulls at our attention.
Becoming free is an act of unlearning and resisting.
I’m not free yet. Week by week, I’m learning, failing, and trying again. Writing this is part of my way forward, to say it out loud, to hold myself accountable, and maybe to reach someone else who feels the same.
Thanks for taking the time to read this!
If you liked this post, follow my feeds for more updates, or leave me a reply via mail, my socials or my guestbook.
💬 I'd like to hear from you -
Comment on this post that is automatically posted to my account on Mastodon or Bluesky.
Or send me a direct message.
🔗 Did you link to this post? Let me know!
Did you write a follow-up to my post or link to this page from your site?
Submit the URL of your article or site to notify me and add it to the web interactions.